I’ve always wanted 2 children, my idea of an ideal family has always been the traditional boy and girl. I’d thought of names, what school bags they’d have, imagined family holidays – all including 4 of us. Since having George this has changed – I can’t pinpoint it to one particular reason but I think I know a few contributing factors.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while or have had a dig through my old posts then you’ll know that I didn’t have the most enjoyable experience while I was pregnant. I’d do it all over again to have George as I couldn’t be without him now but there’s no guarantee that I’ll have it any easier next time round and that worries me. I was on consultant led care which was frustrating enough in itself, but adding in SPD and no sleep made everything increasingly difficult. If you want to know more about my pregnancy then you can read about it here.
I knew motherhood was going to be tough, I didn’t think it was going to be an easy ride but I didn’t expect it to be quite so difficult and non-stop. The newborn stage was exhausting due to sleep deprivation, as George has grown he started sleeping better at night (bliss!) but then he started needing more entertaining and it’s so difficult to be in this constant state of enthusiasm about the smallest of things. Although I would love to have the opportunity to not work and just raise George, there are days when I’m quite thankful that I get to go to work and just enjoy some peace and quiet. Just thinking about having to divide my energy and attention between two children makes me feel exhausted…
Children are expensive, even before they’re born they cost you money. Living in North Devon means that our salaries aren’t very lucrative and there’s not much scope or opportunity to drastically improve that. With this in mind, the thought of affording another child is very daunting. I want to be able to give George everything he could possibly dream of – would it be fair to have two babies and not be able to give them as much or just focus on providing George with all that we can?
I can’t say that my mind won’t ever change, maybe one day George will ask for a sibling and I won’t be able to say no. However, if I were to do this a second time around there are a lot of things I would do differently – asking for help, staying in hospital after giving birth, taking care of my body more, just to name a few. Has your idea of your ideal family changed since you became a parent? Perhaps you want more or less kids now you have started your family? Leave a comment and let me know.